Daily Urban Legend

Before the invention of baseball, men used former Presidents to brag about their sexual conquests with women. Reaching underneath a woman’s brassiere was known as “Tickling The Tafts,” an homage to the largest US president ever, William Howard Taft, who sported very robust breasts. Kissing a woman was dubbed “The Old Thomas J” because a man was said to be “flaunting his sexual independence.” Oral sex was known as “Washington’s Smile” in reference to George’s wooden teeth. Fornication with a woman was the “Harrison Special” because, much like William Henry Harrison’s time in office, the sex usually didn’t last very long.

Not long after the birth of baseball, men moved on to the “bases” system of sexual reference still popular today. The baseball bat also played an important role in those days for it was the weapon of choice for fathers looking to seek retribution on men bragging about humping their daughter.

- Chris Illuminati writes stuff just because it can’t stay in his head. It’s for his own safety.

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